All your bring-a-bottle etiquette questions answered

Dinner parties can be confusing and confronting, especially if you haven’t been to many or it’s with a new group of people. Just like Monopoly, “family rules” can seep into get-togethers and you may be operating with an assumption about standard dinner-table procedure that’s not quite the best etiquette. When you’re trying to make a good impression, these things matter. 

Think of this article as a cheat’s guide to clear things up and introduce some of the nuance that can get you out of a slightly awkward situation. Before we get into specifics, just remember the point of a dinner party is to have a good time, get to know new friends, and often, win people over. For this, generosity, gratitude and humility are the key characteristics you want to channel. Think Pablo Pascal, Keanu Reeves or Zendaya. Or if pop culture isn’t your thing, imagine Dumbledore but less wizened. Too abstract? Okay, let's get into the nitty gritty.

The bottle you bring is a gift, not part of the meal. As such, you shouldn’t expect that it gets served, but if it does, it will be on offer for everyone. If you’re passionate about wine and want to bring something that gets drunk on the night, coordinate with the host beforehand. If you’ve missed that chance, you can subtly suggest opening it when you arrive – “Should we crack this over dinner?” should do it. Similarly, if it’s a bottle you want your host to save for themselves, say so: “This is to say thank you for having us, so save it for a sunny afternoon.”

If you have specific drinking requirements – allergies, non-alc or perhaps a strong preference – let the host know when you accept the invite (just as you would your dietaries), and offer to bring something for yourself to drink. That way it’s not added to their mental load for the night. However, even this should be available to share with others, and because it is not the gift bottle, you should also bring something else for the host – maybe put a bow around that one to differentiate it.

If you’re the host, it’s important to have something to offer your guests, and enough of it to go around, but that doesn’t mean you have to cater to everyone’s tastes. If you’ve told friends it’s a Sangria and Mexican grill night, you don’t need to have anything other than Sangria. They were warned. But because you're the host with the most and want to make sure everyone is comfortable and having a whale of a time, options you shall have. A red and white is traditional, and they’re good if you’re unsure of everyone’s preferences, but obviously not essential if you know your guests all drink pinot gris and that’s what best matches your fish dish. 

What you do really need to cover, however, is a non-alc option. Water is great, but it’s a little lacklustre and soft drinks can feel childish. A crafty tonic water, zero-alc spirit or premix really makes non-drinkers feel considered. For everything else – and if all else fails – lean on your bar cart. You knew that bottle of vermouth would come in handy one day.